The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
