We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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