I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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