Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
