I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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