i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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