Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i need an iv and a liver transplant
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
