i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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