you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
