I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
