I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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