You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
