Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
