he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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