I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I think we might need a safe word for this...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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