fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize