like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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