I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
