Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
