At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
