and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
