Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Let's get the cat blown out
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
