i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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