Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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