I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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