Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
