I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
