I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
