So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
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Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
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Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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