Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
