P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
