So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
