The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
