so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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