Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
