watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
