6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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