I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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