Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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