Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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