we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
