I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
