I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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