we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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