I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Who died my cat blue again?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
