Me too!
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
