look no pants
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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