K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
