I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
