Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
