I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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