The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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