this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
