i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
40s are totally the cure
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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