I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
