I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I believe in your delicious
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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