Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Randomize