So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
